was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
