I love black thongs
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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