so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
