I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
