Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
