new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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