dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
