around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
