Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
