i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
