Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
