dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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