The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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