i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
