I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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