I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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