I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
