HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
