It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
