you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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