I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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