Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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