operation harelip BJ is a go
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
