Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
