Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
