your room smells of hookers.
And success
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
