Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
