I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
where am i from again
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
