4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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