You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
