He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
