and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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