It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
