Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
