My Higher Power is John Stamos
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
