Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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