so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
