Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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