So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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