i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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