Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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