If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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