I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
