pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
