she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
