No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
