That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
