what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
