Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
