i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
