So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
That was an excessively violent trivia night
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
